Writings on the Wall

Who am I? I’m an alchemist, an anarchistic, an asshole and a piece of shit. A dusty runt, a musty cunt. I woke up drunk inside a ditch. I’m feeling numb. I’m think I’m dead. I think. Therefore I am. Create a paradise with words and then destroy it with my hands.

Follow the white rabbit and measurements get drastic and then events get tragic. Documented with felt pens.

Feel like a loser for drawing stupid conclusions. I give my heart and they lose it and now I’m like “Oh well then.”

Sharpen my weapon and fresh gasoline for cocktail service. I get it poppin when I slide to the function.

Lil boy it’s nothing. Replace your head with pumpkin and make your main and your side

lick the blood of my thumbs.

Constantly tell me I’m great but I feel like I’m slowly walking to my grave dug by all of my actions that lead me here. Please do not shed a tear. Just know I got what I wanted.

No more attachments.

Ain’t no confiding in anyone. Dissociation from everyone. So full of rage and I’m bleeding out hatred. I hate that my life is pain. Going through that shit I don’t never say. You wouldn’t believe me anyway. I chose myself over anyone, any day. Wasting away. Every step that I take, I get closer to death.

Closer to God with a blade on my neck. You don’t care bout my problems. I’m wasting my breath.

Way too much stress.

Two things I know for sure. I’m all alone and I’m a fucking mess.

I always welcome the fire. Come boil my fish bowl. Lord forgive me for all the things that I did when I sniffed blow. I’m not Johnny but I done been in the depths with a shallow soul, hollow tips and an empty mind. I hear screams when the wind blows.

You huff, puff when I’m throwing a brick throw your window. Ain’t no safety. I’m fucking crazy. I rip the horns from a goat and always welcome the fire. Come boil my fish bowl. Eat my brain and then feel the pain of the things I don’t wanna know.

I kept my friends close

and my enemies right next to me.

Shawty went ghost cause she said I got bad energy.

Cursed by a witch and surrounded by negativity.

Someone tired to save my soul but they couldn’t get to me.

Way too fuckin high in my tower. I’m not listening.

Feeling like a Titan. I bite the ear off the industry. Spitting it into the crowd. They say “Wow! What a good symphony!”

You have to set my body on fire to get rid of me.

Talking to my shadow again.

Everybody needs a friend.

I’m always in the cold. I’m not receiving hugs.

Same old song and dance. I just switched up the drugs.

Not here to talk about that. I just wish that I had you right here in my lap with your hand on my head and you tell me it’s gone be alright and it isn’t a lie.

I’m trynna be grateful for life but I’m doing these vices. I’m cutting it short.

Deviated from the things that I snorted.

Liquor is killing my liver.

Tell me why dying feels lovely and life is a whore.

She don’t suck dick. That’s what karma for.

Stains of my pain are left on the door.

Tattoo ink and my blood. I cannot afford

to make the wrong move again.

You trynna figure me out

but you still finding yourself.

I’m tired of dating these girls that think that I’m somebody else.

Never tried to be no one else.

I am just like you. Still finding myself.

Let down your guard.

I can tell you’re scared.

Just take my sword and don’t fight fair.

I got knocked off my orbit

then I had to get sober.

Now the seasons done changed

and it’s no longer snowing.

Burning the trees. I’m a maniac who just so happens to have a lil interest in fire huh?

I don’t trust anyone. Niggas be hatin and bitches be basic and cyber huh?

Tell me the truth. I promise if you do then I won’t set your trousers on fire.

Don’t know what’s real or what’s not.

They turning everything organic to cyber.

Come on girl. Let’s go run away.

Build you a house. Put a baby inside of ya.

Room in the coffin for two.

If I go first then you hoppin inside it huh?

I grab the blade but I still contemplate cause I promised myself I wouldn’t be waste.

I remember when I cut my own face.

Remember it’s a journey. It’s not a race.

Remember that you can die any day. Don’t be fooled by these bitches. They don’t really like you.

They just want money and something shiny.

I don’t trust niggas because they grimy.

I’m from the south and I’ll do you dirty.

You better ask about Little Syrky.

Put on that camo. I’m soldiered up.

Shoulder cold like the winter in Russia huh?

I just might fuck around learn Russian huh?

Go and find me a bitch with a dirty K

or maybe I’ll find me a bitch from the burbs and tell her to put it in her name.

Perpetual sadness. Never getting better. Everyday is fucking madness. It’s a constant struggle for me not to do some bad shit. Fantasizing about your death always has me laughing.

I was born a bastard. I’ve always been an asshole.

You can ask my mother. She would tell you “Just leave him alone.”

If you ask my friends they’ll probably tell you that “He ruin lives. Probably got a couple bodies. I bet he has nightmares every night.” Can’t confirm. Can’t deny.

Can’t lie sometimes I cry.

I work too fucking hard for me to just lay down and die.

I know you know I love you when you look into my eyes but you think you see light.

That’s a fire deep inside.

I got pain

and fuck no

I won’t let it go.

I can’t forget

all the lies

that you fuckin told.

Talk to myself.

I talk back

because I’m all alone.

All the greats

die young.

Who wants to be old?

Its dark

and cold.

This my karma. This I know.

Try to hide my pain with jokes.

Only I can save my soul.

I can feel it in my bones.

I feel dead but I don’t know.

Off the grid is where I’ll go.

Keep on growing until I’m whole.

I told her don’t fall in love with me.

I’m projecting.

I’m protecting myself from me.

I’m a mad man.

Girl you bad and

I wanna drag you out that basement.

You so low. Covered in ashes and hatred.

I’m just a mirror that only show ugly faces.

I spent a lot of hours pacing.

Contemplating. I got a lot on my plate and

I go through things that I’m not too comfortable saying.

The ones that do you the dirtiest smile in your faces.

And they wonder why I seem to be so full of hatred.

They said that there’s a brighter side but I’m still waiting.

It’s been over a two decades since I’ve been on vacation.

Telepathically communicating with a porpoise.

I’m swimming deep in this sea of emotions. I know that I’m chosen in life and I’m guided by death.

Can’t call it dark, man. It is what it is.

I hope I live long enough to raise my kids.

And I hope my kids out live me but shit, they don’t even exist yet.

Swear I’m feeling like I motherfuckin reject.

This a wild ride.

Ain’t no eject button. I snuffed

so many substances. Healed up

so many cuts and burns.

Tell my story in my words

while you feather dust my urn.

Until the day I return

to take all of my shit back.

Now I’m

sitting here with a chick that don’t exist speaking on shit I did as a kid I hid from from unblinking eyes in the sky. Move in silence. Dead men tell no lies.

Only serve as a suburb for flies to breed their maggots only to tell them lies.

Placing a black veil over their eyes and criticized by those too scare to try.